Cara agar anak berakhlaq Islami

Sebagian besar orang tua pasti ingin anaknya menjadi anak yang sholeh dan sholehah serta berbakti kepada kedua orang tua serta bagi agamanya. Akan tetapi, tidak semua orang tau bagaimana caranya agar anak menjadi sholeh dan menurut pada keinginan orangtuanya dan sesuai dengan akhlaq yang dituntunkan oleh agama Islam. Lalu, bagaimanakah cara agar anak bisa berakhlaq sesuai dengan tuntunan agamanya? berikut ini akan diberikan beberapa tips yang bisa digunakan untuk mengajari anak untuk bisa berakhlaq sesuai dengan tuntunan agama:

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Saatnya Orang Tua Berhenti ‘Meracuni’ Anak

Seperti biasanya, sebagai seorang dokter kesehatan keluarga di PKPU, sebuah lembaga kemanusiaan nasional yang berlisensi Ecosoc PBB (Perserikatan Bangsa-Bangsa), saya ditugasi untuk menjalankan program kesehatan anak dan remaja di Penjara Anak di Tangerang.

Setelah beberapa kali berinteraksi dengan anak-anak yang ada dalam penjara itu, saya pun semakin nyaman, bisa berkomunikasi dan melakukan program kesehatan anak dan remaja dengan baik. Ini  dikarenakan, adanya dukungan yang sangat luar biasa dari para abdi negara yang sedang bertugas di penjara anak tersebut.

Sambil melakukan program kesehatan, pikiran saya bertanya-tanya, apa sebab anak-anak yang rata-rata seusia 10 tahun sampai 16 tahun itu sampai dapat di-masukkan ke dalam penjara anak ini.

Maka, dalam sesi program kesehatan berikutnya, berupa konsultasi kesehatan fisik dan psikologi secara langsung, saya membuat berapa pertanyaan yang harus dijawab oleh anak-anak.

Diantara pertanyaan itu bunyinya sebagai berikut: Apakah anak-anak mengetahui tempat tinggalnya saat ini dan apa namanya? Sebagian besar mereka mengetahui dan menjawab bahwa mereka tinggal di penjara anak.

Pertanyaan berikutnya, mengapa anak-anak harus tinggal di penjara anak ini? Beberapa anak menjawab bahwa ia melakukan kesalahan dan sudah selayaknya kalau ia harus tinggal di penjara anak.

Memang, ia di lahirkan untuk menjadi anak yang kurang ajar, pencuri, pencopet, anak yang senang perkelahian dan masih banyak “gelar-gelar” lainnya. Saya katakan bahwa anak-anak ini adalah anak-anak yang baik, bisa berbuat kebaikan dan bisa berprestasi untuk masa depannya.

Dengan penuh keyakinan, mereka kembali menyampaikan “gelar-gelar” di atas itu dan menambahkan bahwa orangtuanya atau bapak/ibunya sering mengatakan “gelar-gelar” itu berkali-kali. Bahkan ada anak yang mengatakan bahwa ia tidak layak lagi menjadi anak orangtuanya karena ibunya mengatakan bahwa ia adalah anak yang durhaka dan pasti akan masuk neraka!Astaghfirullah..

Sahabat Indonesian Golden Family, dari cerita di atas  mengingatkan saya dalam sebuah tulisan yang berjudul The Toxic Words (Kata-kata Beracun). Tulisan ini, meskipun hanya beberapa lembar namun merupakan hasil wawancara terhadap anak-anak yang ada di penjara. Sang peneliti mengajak anak-anak untuk “mengingat kembali” apa-apa yang terjadi sebelum mereka masuk di dalam penjara. Kemudian, ia menyusun kata demi kata menjadi satu kelompok kata-kata yang dianggap mengantarkan anak-anak tersebut masuk dalam penjara.

Susunan kata-kata itu disebutnya sebagai The Toxic Words (Kata-kata Beracun).

Benar saja, bahwa anak-anak yang masuk dalam penjara itu dalam kesehariannya sering mendapatkan kata-kata yang buruk yang menyangkut dirinya, seperti:

“Dasar kamu! Memang anak pembawa sial!”

“Kamu selalu menyusahkan orangtua!”

“Kamu memang anak terkutuk! Pasti hidupmu akan sengsara!”

Serta masih banyak lagi kata-kata yang buruk lainnya.

Lalu, apa hubungannya antara kata-kata yang buruk itu dengan perilaku anak yang buruk?

Ketika saya belajar NLP (Neuro Linguistik Programming), pembimbing saya mengatakan bahwa manusia melakukan proses berpikir dengan tiga cara yaitu pertama, Berpikir Visual adalah berpikir dengan cara kita membuat gambaran di dalam pikiran kita.Kedua, Berpikir Auditori adalah berpikir dengan cara kita melakukan dialog internal (self-talk). Ketiga, Berpikir Kinestetik adalah berpikir dengan cara melibatkan perasaan atau emosi kita.

Pembimbing saya juga mengatakan bahwa gambaran masa depan seseorang ternyata dapat di prediksi dari hal-hal yang dia yakini. Ketika kita meyakini sesuatu maka seluruh “sumberdaya” dalam tubuh kita sampai level sel terkecil pun akan mendukung apa-apa yang telah kita yakini itu.

Dan sebagian besar, suatu keyakinan dibentuk dari perilaku yang dilihat dan kata-kata yang didengarnya setiap hari khususnya yang menyangkut tentang diri kita. Jika perilaku buruk atau kata-kata buruk yang sering diterimanya, maka bisa dipastikan perlahan tapi pasti bahwa perilaku burukpun akan terwujud dan begitu pula sebaliknya.

Inilah jawaban, mengapa anak-anak itu sering melakukan pelanggaran-pelanggaran kehidupan sehingga ia harus merasakan hidup di dalam penjara. Pada saat orangtuanya terlalu sering mengatakan kamu memang anak kurang ajar, kamu memang anak pembawa sial atau kata-kata buruk lainnya, perlahan-lahan ia akan menyakini bahwa ia anak kurang ajar, ia anak pembawa sial da akhirnya iapun menjadi perilaku yag kurang ajar.

Sungguh, bila saya membahas masalah seperti ini saya merasa ngeri, kasihan, melihat fakta-fakta diatas amat sering terjadi di sekitar kita.

Masih sangat banyak para orangtua yang bila sedang memarahi anaknya maka keluar semua kata-kata beracun seperti itu. Kalau sudah demikian, kira-kira siapa yang salah, anak yang berperilaku buruk atau orangtua yang salah dalam mengajari anak agar bisa berbuat baik?

Ajaran para Nabi kita mengatakan bahwa anak adalah amanah dari Tuhan yang harus kita siapkan agar ia menjadi manusia yang berprestasi di dunia dan di akhirat.

Oleh karenanya, saya sendiri juga sedang mengingat-ingat kembali berapa banyak kata-kata buruk telah terucapkan pada anak-anak saya, pada istri saya. Sungguh, terasa ngeri sekali bila kita mengetahui dampak dari kata-kata buruk itu, bagaikan “racun” yang siap membunuh anak-anak kita.

Membunuh sifat manusianya sebagai makhluk spiritual ciptaan Tuhan, yang memiliki potesi dasyat dalam dirinya. Maka, solusi terbaik adalah adanya kesungguhan akan perubahan cara berpikir dan bersikap kita dari kekerasan menjadi kasih sayang.

Bagi ummat Muslim, sarana berpuasa, utamanya di bulan Ramadhan, adalah sarana yang paling tepat untuk melakukan perubahan itu.

Mengapa? Karena puasa (Ramadhan) merupakan salah satu “produk” dari Tuhan sebagai sarana paling tepat untuk “memprogramkan kembali” diri kita. Dari yang biasanya mudah mencaci-maki pada anaknya menjadi bertutur kata yang lembut, dari yang kurang baik menjadi baik, dari yang baik menjadi lebih baik lagi, seperti pesannya Nabi kita bahwa “Puasa adalah perisai.”

Apabila salah seorang diantaramu sedang berpuasa, hendaklah ia tidak berkata-kata keji dan tidak pula memperolok orang lain. Kemudiaan apabila ada seseorang yang hendak mencaci-makinya, hendaklah ia berkata: “Aku sedang berpuasa, aku sedang berpuasa.”

source

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22 Tips for Parents

What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?

Sound Vision has talked to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:

Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job
This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents' negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.

Tip #2:Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family

It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can't instill values in their children if they just aren't there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you're home when the kids are.

Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day
Just five minutes. Whether it's in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.

Tip #4: Attend a weekly Halaqa
Trade playing cards or watching television on Sunday afternoons for a Halaqa. If you don't have something already in place during that time slot, help the Imam to set one up. Attend it vigilantly. The added bonus of this is that when children see their parents striving to learn about Islam, they will in many cases be encouraged to do the same.

Tip #5: Respect your teen

Respecting your teen means not treating them like inept babies, but like maturing adults, not talking down to them or humiliating and insulting them. It means involving them in useful activities around the home and seeking their opinions on matters of importance.

Tip #6: Take an interest in what they do
Does Noor play hockey in an all-girls' sports league? Attend Noor's games as regularly as possible. Does Ihsan collect stamps? See if you can find old letters from your parents in Malaysia or Lebanon and pass the stamps on them to her. Does Muhsin love building websites? Visit his site, post a congratulatory e-mail on the message board and offer some suggestions for the site. Give him a book on advanced web design as Eid gift.

Tip #7: Be aware of problems and address them straightforwardly
As you spend more time with your teen, you will be more able to sense if there is something bothering them. Don't brush this feeling under the carpet. Address it straight on. But don't do this in the family meeting or n in front of others. Do it during the next tip.

Tip #8: "Date" your teenager
While dating is commonly associated with boy-girl social meetings, the concept can be extended to any meeting between two people wanting to get to know each other better.

It's especially important to "date" your children on an individual level once they hit their teens because they are no longer just "one of the kids". They are young adults who need attention and guidance on an individual level. You can go out on a "date" when Sumayya graduates from high school (instead of going to the prom), when Ahmed gets his driver's license or if you feel there is something bothering them and you want to address them alone.

Tip #9: Don't just be your teen's parent, be his or her partner
Making them a partner means giving them responsibilities within the family. Get 16 year old Amir, who just got his driver's license, to help his mom with grocery shopping on Saturday's; get 15 year old Jasmine, who loves flowers, to be responsible for the garden and mowing the lawn. This way, teens will feel a part of the family, included and needed.

Tip #10: Build a Masjid in your home

Delegate a room, part of the basement or the living room as the home Masjid. You can do this for less than $25.

Make this Masjid entirely the responsibility of the kids. Get the eldest to be in charge and to delegate responsibilities for younger siblings. Responsibilities include keeping the Masjid clean, waking people up for Fajr, calling the Adhan, etc.

Tip #11: Don't practice "men's Islam"

That means don't exclude wives or daughters from prayers. When the men are praying in Jamaah, make sure the women are either behind them or also praying in congregation. Make sure the Imam recites the prayer loud enough for the women to hear if they are in another part of the house. Also, encourage women to pray in Jamaah if there are no men present.

Tip #12: Establish an Islamic library and choose a librarian
Equip your home with an Islamic library with books, video and audio cassettes about various aspects of Islam, catering to everyone's age and interests. If 13-year-old Bilal likes adventure novels, for example, make sure you have a couple of Islamic adventure books

Get one of your teens to be the librarian. S/he keeps materials organized and in good condition. Any requests for materials to be added to the collection have to go through him or her. Give this librarian a monthly budget for ordering new books, cassettes, etc.

Tip#13: Take them out.....to Islamic activities
Instead of a fancy dinner at a restaurant, save your money to take everyone out to the next Muslim community dinner or activity. Make a special effort to go to events where other Muslim teens will be present and the speaker caters his/her message to this crowd.

It's also important to regularly take Bilal and Humayra to Islamic camps and conferences where they will meet other Muslim kids their age on a larger scale.

Tip #14: Move to a racially and religiously mix neighborhood in your city
If your children can interact with Muslim as well as non-Muslim children on a daily basis, it is going to be healthier for their growth. May be a move closer to a masjid is going to help as well.

Tip #15 : Help teens start their own youth group
After living in a Muslim neighborhood and attending Islamic activities regularly, teens in many cases will develop a friendship with other Muslims their age. Don't let this end here.

Help them establish a youth group, not just to learn about Islam, but to go to the amusement park together, go swimming, etc. Have meetings at members' houses on a weekly or bimonthly basis. Get this group involved in useful work like cleaning up litter around the Masjid or visiting senior citizens' homes.This group must have parental supervision, although teens' decision-making powers should not be interfered with unless really necessary.

Tip #16: Establish a TV-free evening and monitor TV watching in general
Parents' biggest competitor for their children's attention is the T.V. Sound Vision's unTV guide. Monitoring what everyone watches simply means taking care to remind and help everyone avoid shows which depict sex, violence and encourage unIslamic activities. Put up a list of acceptable and unacceptable shows on the wall beside the T.V.

Establishing TV-free evenings means having one evening of the week when no one, adult, teen or child is allowed to watch television. Hopefully, this is a first step towards general TV reduction in the home. This is an ideal time to have the next tip.

Tip #17: Have weekly family meetings
The purpose: to find out what is going on in everyone's lives and to consult the family on important issues. Hanan started attending a Halaqa, Imran just returned from a Muslim youth camp, Bilal aced the last algebra test. The point is not to just give this news in point form. It's to elicit discussion and communication between everyone, and to keep up-to-date about what is going on in everyone's life, which gets harder when kids become teenagers.

This is also the place to consult the family and decide on major issues affecting everyone: a move to another city; a marriage of one of the family members; difficulties with a bully in school, etc.

Please note: Shura in the family does not mean a majority vote determines what to do about a situation. While the parents remain in charge, teens and younger children voice opinions and suggestions parents will consider in making a final decision about a matter.

Tip #18: Have "Halal Fun night" once a month
"Fun is Haram" is a joke sometimes heard amongst Muslim youth, mocking the attitude of some Muslims for whom virtually anything enjoyable is automatically labeled Haram (forbidden).

Islamic entertainment is a much neglected area of Muslim concern. Islamic songs, skits, etc. are a viable tool for the transmission of Islam. Maybe 16-year-old Jameel knows how to play the Duff, while his sister Amira, 14, can write and sing well. Let them present their own Islamic song to the whole family. Or have 12-year-old Ridwan recite some of his best poetry. Make one of the teens in charge of this event. Help them establish a criteria of acceptable and unacceptable Halal entertainment.

Tip #19: Provide the right role models-What would Abu Bakr have done?

Apart from being a role model yourself by trying to practice Islam, make sure you provide teens with reading material about the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (Sahaba), both the men and the women. Otherwise, the characters on the programs your kids watch on television may become their "Sahabas".

Discuss what a Companion may have done in a situation relevant to teens' lives. What would Abu Bakr Siddiq do if he saw a someone selling answers to the grade 11 math final exam? What would Aisha have done is she was confronted with the opportunity to cheat her parents?

Tip #20: Read books on Positive Parenting

These can be books written by Muslims, but even books by non-Muslims can help. However, just be ready and make sure you are able to identify what is Islamically acceptable versus what is not.

Tip #21: Get them married early

The societies of the West are permeated by sex: on TV, billboards, on the streets, buses, in movies, etc. A Muslim teenager facing this is in a tough position: succumb to the temptations or try really, really hard not to. Getting them married early (check out some tips for parents) will ease the pressure, and they don't have to stop their studies to do this. Remember, as a parent you will also be partly responsible if your son or daughter wanted to marry, you stopped them and they ended up having sex outside of marriage. You should also remember when undertaking this step not to force your son or daughter to marry someone they do not like.

Tip #22: Last but not least-Make Dua

Make Dua. It is really Allah who guides and misguides, but if you've done your job as a parent, Insha Allah, keeping your teen a practicing Muslim will be easier to do than if you had neglected this duty. As well, make Dua for your teen in front of them. This reminds them how much you love them and your concern for them.


src: http://soundvision.com/Info/parenting/teens/22tips.asp

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Teaching our children 5

Raise your child to be a powerful jihad warrior for Allah. There is a name for the process by which we must carry out our responsibility as the Khalifah of Allah. That process is called jihad. Jihad does not mean Holy War as is so often claimed by the Western news media. Jihad means Holy Struggle. Jihad is the struggle for good to overcome evil. Jihad is the struggle to make the Will of Allah win against the influence of Shaitan. That we have been given jihad as a means to overcome Shaitan is a great Blessing and Mercy from Allah. There are two types of jihad, the lesser jihad and the greater jihad. The difference between those two forms of jihad was made clear to the companions of the Prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him) as they were returning home after success on the battlefield. The companions were proclaiming the victory as a great jihad, to which the Prophet(peace be upon him) replied that the struggle on the battlefield was the lesser jihad, and that they were returning home to carry out the greater jihad. When asked what he meant, the Prophet(peace be upon him) answered that the greater jihad was the never ending struggle against evil within one's self in day to day life to make sure that every deed, every word and even every thought was fully in accord with the Will of Allah. So important is this inner struggle against the influence of Shaitan that we can never win the lesser jihad unless we are winning the greater jihad. The lesser jihad is the struggle against any person or thing that fights against Islam, but please never believe your children must be sent out into the world to use violence in the struggle against evil. While it is true jihad has before taken place through violent warfare on the battlefield, we must hope that never again becomes necessary. Only if attacked with violence, and even then only if there is no viable alternative, can violence be used in the fight against evil. In Islam the use of violence to successfully carry out the lesser jihad may sometimes be allowed, but it is never preferred. We must forever strive to ensure that we protect our children from ever being faced with that unfortunate necessity. We must prepare our children to successfully carry out this Holy Struggle of good against evil. Children must be effectively taught that there is a right way and a wrong way in absolutely everything. The right way is always the way Allah wants it to be, and the wrong way is always following the influence of Shaitan. There is no possible deed, word, or thought that is not part of our jihad. Our children must be taught to view their life in this way, as a constantly vigilant jihad warrior. Children must be helped to understand that just as it is the greatest of possible honours to be chosen by Allah as His Khalifah, it is equally a responsibility of great honour to carry out jihad as a warrior for Allah. Children must learn that to be a jihad warrior means fighting successfully against the cunning and never ending attacks from Shaitan, who only wants to lure us from the path of goodness that Allah has ordained for us. The loss of even one seemingly unimportant battle against Shaitan can be the beginning of a series of further losses, subtly increasing in importance, that eventually lead to the loss of the ultimate battle against Shaitan, and to lose that battle is to lose eternity in Paradise. Now I can not stress too highly how very, very important it is that you as parents give this information to your children in a way that imprints deeply onto their hearts and into their minds. Our jihad as Khalifah of Allah is to be carried out unwaveringly at every moment of our lives. Anything less will surely please Shaitan For young children I would suggest they be told such things as:
1. It is important we do a good job as Allah’s Khalifah, so He has given us a way to carry out that job.
2. Allah is so kind to us He wants to make sure we will be successful Khalifah.
3. The way to be a good Khalifah of Allah is called jihad.
4. Jihad means to fight against everything bad and try to make everything be good.
5. Allah loves everything that is good and doesn’t like anything that is bad.
6. Allah wants us to love everything good and not like all the bad things just as He does.
7. Shaitan fights against everything Allah likes.
8. Shaitan wants to make us do bad things and doesn’t like us doing good things.
9. Jihad is the fight against Shaitan.
10. We are Allah’s warriors in the battle against Shaitan.
11. Both boys and girls are Allah’s warriors in the fight against Shaitan.
12. Allah’s jihad warriors try to fight against the bad things by being real good.
13. Sometimes Shaitan gets in our thoughts and tries to get us to do bad things.
14. Those bad things can be what we do, words we say, or even thoughts we think.
15. We have to fight real hard to make sure Shaitan never gets us do bad things.
16. Allah only wants us to do good things, so because we love Allah so much we should always try to do good things.
17. Sometimes Shaitan tries to get other people to fight against everything good that Allah wants, so we have to find ways to stop those people who want bad things.
18. We have to be sure we are real good inside so we can win the fight against those who want the bad things.
19. If other people try to get us to do bad things we have to be sure we are such strong jihad warriors that they can never get us to do those bad things.
20. Shaitan never ever stops trying to get us to do bad things so we have to keep watch over goodness all the time to protect it for Allah.
21. Even real small bad things are important to fight against because they can lead us to bigger and bigger bad things.
22. If we love Allah and do all the good things He wants us to do we will go to Paradise, and that is the very best thing that can happen.
23. Shaitan wants to keep us from going to Paradise so that is why he tries to get us to do bad things, because people who do lots of real bad things don’t get to go to paradise.
24. We have to fight against Shaitan and fight against doing bad things for our whole life.
25. It is wonderful to be a jihad warrior for Allah, fighting against the bad influence of Shaitan and getting to do everything good that Allah loves.

              src: http://islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm

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Teaching our children 4

Teach your children to fully understand their role as Khalifah of Allah. From birth onwards your child should be taught to know that Allah created him/her to be His Khalifah. Your child needs to come to understand their role as Khalifah of Allah in the most full and detailed manner possible. In English the Arabic word 'khalifah' is translated as 'vicegerent'. Vicegerent means one who acts in the place of the leader or king. Included in the meaning of vicegerent is the assumption that the person in that role will act in every instance as the leader or king would want them to act. This also is the meaning of the Arabic term khalifah. What a glorious and exciting role to be given, to act as a representative of Allah - even if only within the limited scope of human ability. It is the highest honour that can be given. Most blessed are we that Allah, through His Divine and Unlimited Mercy, has chosen mankind to receive this greatest of all honours. Until He Breathed His Spirit into Adam, Allah took full responsibility for the progressive development of His Physical Creation. Allah apparently did not create His physical world in one instant to be as it is now. Through His Divine Love, Allah's Light first brought the world of space, time and matter into existence. This light brought into being tiny bits of matter that in science are called sub-atomic particles, the electrons, protons and neutrons that are the basic building blocks of all material things. These sub-atomic particles form all the different kinds of atoms, and these atoms form everything else. Following Allah's Will, these tiny particles of physical matter were directed into more complex and larger groupings - until they became stars and planets and water and rocks and grass and trees and tiny one celled living things and fish and reptiles and birds and all the many different kinds of mammals until He created animals so complex that some of them bear many similarities to human beings. At every level of physical existence, from the simplest basic particles to the highest of the animals, these forms of material creation did as they were directed to do by Allah. They all acted in accord with the Will of Allah not because they chose to, but because Allah caused them to. They did not have the free will to decide for themselves what to do. Next Allah created Adam. Allah created Adam with a specific purpose. Allah created Adam (and all human beings after Adam) to be His Khalifah on Earth. One of the many unique abilities Allah gave Adam when he breathed His Spirit into him was the ability to choose. When Allah created human beings He gave us free will. In our role as Khalifah of Allah we have the responsibility to use the free will given to us by Allah to continue His plan for Creation. Allah gave us the responsibility to ensure that His Creation continues to progress so that His Attributes will be more and more perfectly expressed in physical world. Our responsibility as the Khalifah of Allah has three parts. These are to perfect ourselves according to the Will of Allah, to perfect all of human society according to the Will of Allah, and to perfect the physical world of space and time(our planet Earth and the whole universe) according to the Will of Allah. So after perhaps billions of years when Allah took full responsibility to ensure that His Creation progressed according to His Will, Allah has now blessed us as His Khalifah and delegated to us some of that awesome responsibility. The continued progression of Allah's Creation, at the human level and beyond, has now been placed in our hands. Allah will not continue to cause His Creation to continue to progress beyond the creation of Adam. For Allah's Creation to fulfill its final destiny it must be done through the right exercise of human free will. Allah has promised us that we can have a virtually perfect Islamic world, and He has told us that ideal Islamic world will be ours as soon as we do what is necessary to make ourselves and our world perfect according to His Will. What a glorious and exciting future has Allah provided for us. What a lot of work there is to be done for Allah. And, what a magnificent reward awaits us. So, in somewhat simplified but still sophisticated adult language that is a brief overview of the true meaning of our role as Khalifah of Allah. It is your job as Islamic parents to first learn and understand all of this yourselves; and, then to teach it to your children in a way that allows them to fully comprehend the meaning of their role as Khalifah of Allah, that allows them to feel great excitement about their role as Khalifah, and which allows them to be thankful for the wondrous future that awaits them. For young children I would suggest they be told such things as:
1. Before Allah made us He made everything else.
2. Allah made the sun and the moon and the stars and our planet, Earth.
3. Allah made the air we breathe and the water we drink.
4. Allah made all of the plants and all of the animals.
5. Allah made all of this so that when He made Adam(and all the other people) we would have a nice place to live.
6. Allah took a real long time to make all this for us.
7. Allah made us different from everything else.
8. Allah made us special because He loves us so much.
9. Allah made us special because He has a very important job he wants us to do.
10. Allah made us His Khalifah, which means we are supposed to do some work for Him.
11. Allah knows better than anyone what is good and what is bad.
12. Allah wants us to learn from Him what is good and bad.
13. Allah wants us to love the good things and not like the bad things.
14. Allah wants each one of us to only do good things and never do bad things.
15. Allah wants each one of us to help other people to know what is good and bad.
16. Allah wants us to make our world beautiful.
17. Allah wants parents to help their children learn what is good and bad.
18. Allah wants kids to help other kids learn what is good and bad.
19. We should be very happy Allah has blessed us with such an important job to do.
20. Even if it might sometimes be hard work, it is going to be lots fun to be the Khalifah of Allah.
21. If we work hard and do a good job as Allah's Khalifah the world will keep getting to be a nicer place until it becomes like a paradise.

               src: http://islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm

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Teaching our children 3

Always be prompt as you reward or punish your children! Both reward and punishment work best if they are given as soon as possible after the child's action that you want to increase or decrease. Research has shown the ideal to be about one half second after the child's response. Of course this is often not possible or practical for many reasons. The reason reward and punishment should happen so soon after the child's response is because both reward and punishment have an effect on the action that comes just before them regardless of what action you are intending to reward or punish. So if you saw your child hit his sister then a half hour later you decide to punish him for that wrong action, but by then he is sitting quietly with her teaching her to recite Qu'ran, it is actually the response of helping his sister that is being punished, not the hitting. So in the future you would expect to see no reduction in how often the boy hits his sister, but you would expect to see him help his sister learn to recite Qu'ran less often. This is exactly what you don't want to see. Now few of us (hopefully) use reward or punishment so badly, but the purpose of this example is only to show why promptness is important. If, as is sometimes the case, you have to wait some long period of time before you can reward or punish your child you can make that reward or punishment most effective by recreating in the mind of your child the full circumstances of the behaviour that is being rewarded or punished. When doing this you should be sure to say very specifically what the response was that is being punished, and try to bring as full a picture as possible of that event back into the mind of your child. In the example given above the conversation might go something like this:
"About a half hour ago when you and your little sister were playing in the yard I saw you hit her on the arm so hard it made her cry. That was a bad thing to do. Allah wants us to show love and kindness to others, particularly within our own family. So I feel I have to punish you (in this case only by giving gentle advice as to what he did wrong) for hitting her to help you learn that hitting people we should love is a very wrong thing to do, and is against the Will of Allah. But now I have scolded you for what you did wrong a while ago, I also want to tell you that what you are doing now, helping your sister to recite Qu'ran, is a wonderful thing to do. I am sure Allah is very pleased to see you doing such a good thing, and I am very happy to see you being such a good brother."
Note: When giving the scolding (punishment) to your child it is best to keep your tone of voice and manner neutral, neither harsh nor kind; but, when you are giving the praise (reward) it should be with a very positive voice and manner, gentle voice and loving actions.

src:http://islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm

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Teaching our children 2

Don't punish your children very often or very harshly! Punishment is always harmful to the child even if it seems to achieve the parent's goal. It is impossible to punish your child without harming him/her. Research studies in child development have consistently shown that among the undesirable side effects of punishment are:
1. The child will try to escape from or retaliate (fight) against the punishing situation.
2. The child will have negative feelings toward whoever punishes him/her.
3. Punishment usually remains effective only when the possibility of punishment is clearly present.
4. And, very importantly, punishing a child teaches the child that using punishment is the right way to raise children so they are likely to use punishment with their children - thus perpetuating (continuing) forever the use of punishment in society.
The alternative to punishment should not be permissiveness (meaning to let your child do anything they want), if there is anything more harmful to the child's development than punishment it is permissiveness. The right alternative to punishment in raising a child is called "directed positive influence."Directed positive influence means to reward (with praise, your positive attention, or an occasional small gift) your child after they do things that are good and right, while gently providing correction when your child does wrong. In Islam if it becomes necessary to correct your child for some wrongdoing this must be done according to a certain rules:
1. First, you should explain to your child in a gentle way how they have overstepped some limit from rightness into wrong, explain how their behaviour is not consistent with the Will of Allah and offer them guidance as to what Allah has told us is the right way to act.
2. Second, if the gentle instruction does not result in the child correcting their wrong behaviour, you should indicate your disapproval of that wrong behaviour by withdrawing your favour (for example, do not give smiles, hugs or kind words to your child at such times).
3. Third, and only as a last resort, your child can be physically punished (beaten) if they do not correct their wrong behaviour.
In Islam, while you are allowed to beat your child it is most certainly not encouraged. If it becomes necessary for you to beat your child there are specific rules and limitations:
1. You may not hit your child on the face or stomach.
2. You may not hit your child more than a maximum of three times.
3. And, you may not hit your child hard enough to leave a cut or bruise on the skin.
Additionally, You should never hit your child when you are angry. Not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment, but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry. It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary. Since it is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child. Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once in his life hit a child, a woman or a servant.

src: http://islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm

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Teaching our children 1

Try to notice as many good things your children do as possible!!! As soon as possible after your child does something good comment on that thing (be specific as to what the good thing was), and give your child praise for having done that good thing. Example - Your young daughter falls, hurts her knee, and begins crying. Your son seeing this goes over to his little sister, helps her get back up, and comforts her. Having observed all this take place you go up to your son right away and say something like,
"I saw you help you sister get up after she fell and then tried to make her feel better. That was really nice of you to do. I feel good to have a son who loves his sister so much."
Also say to your son,
"Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will be very pleased with you for helping your sister."
Things to remember...
1. Give the praise as soon as possible after the good deed.
2. Say specifically what the good deed was.
3. Give the praise sincerely and in a loving manner.
4. Have variety in how you give praise, don't always say the same thing.
NOTE – Notice how in the above example the praise given had three parts. First the mother told her son what he did was a nice thing to do, second she told him how it made her feel good, and third she took the opportunity to let him realize how much he loves his little sister.

src: http://islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm

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